Free · human-reviewed · no strings
Get your website roasted by CactusLaunch.
Find out what’s costing you leads. A real person reviews your site across the ten CactusScore™ categories — design trust, mobile, speed, SEO, AI-search readiness, conversion path, and more — and tells you the truth, kindly.
- Specific, prioritized fixes — not a generic PDF
- Reviewed by a human, not an automated scanner
- Useful whether or not you ever hire us
Curious how the scoring works? CactusScore™, explained.
What’s your CactusScore™?
Two minutes now. Ten categories reviewed. Zero obligation.
What gets reviewed
Ten categories. Zero mercy for lead leaks.
Every roast works through the full CactusScore™ framework — the same review we run on our own launches.
Visual Trust
Does the site look premium and current within five seconds?
Mobile UX
Is the mobile experience effortless — thumb-friendly, readable, tap-safe?
Speed
Does the site load fast on a mid-range phone on cellular?
SEO Foundation
Are titles, headings, metadata, schema, and internal links doing their jobs?
AI Search Readiness
Can AI tools understand who you are, what you do, and where you do it?
Trust Signals
Do reviews, credentials, guarantees, and real details show up where doubts appear?
Offer Clarity
Is it instantly obvious what you sell, who it’s for, and what to do next?
Paid Ads Readiness
Are there dedicated, message-matched landing pages with tracking in place?
Conversion Path
Is there one obvious next step on every page — with no dead ends?
Contact & Chat Friction
Can someone reach you in under ten seconds from any page?
Who this is for
- Business owners about to spend on ads — before the budget, not after
- Anyone whose site “looks fine” but the leads don’t agree
- Owners who want a straight answer before committing to anything
- People who’d rather fix three real things than redesign everything
Who it’s not for
- – Anyone wanting a fake “87/100!” audit score — we don’t do scare-tactic scans
- – Full consulting engagements — this is a practical review, not a strategy retainer
- – Sites that don’t exist yet — start with the start form instead
- – Anyone expecting promised results — nobody honest offers those
Problems we typically find
- A homepage headline that could describe any competitor
- Six seconds of load time on the phone your customers hold
- Trust proof quarantined on a page nobody visits
- Contact paths that take detective work to find
- Ads pointed at a generic homepage instead of a landing page
- Forms that technically work but quietly discourage
- Zero conversion tracking — campaigns judged on vibes
- Mobile layouts that fight thumbs at every tap
No fake audit scores, no scare tactics, no guarantees — a practical human review of what’s actually costing you, with the fixes ranked.
In plain terms
The Free Website Roast is CactusLaunch’s human website review. Submit your URL and get a CactusScore™ assessment across ten categories — first impression, mobile experience, speed, SEO foundation, AI search readiness, trust signals, offer clarity, paid ads readiness, conversion path, and contact friction — with prioritized fixes in plain language.
How it works
Three steps. One honest email.
Drop your URL
Two minutes of form. That’s the whole ask.
We review it — a human does
Your site gets checked against all ten CactusScore™ categories. Not an automated scan, not a PDF template.
You get the roast
What’s costing you leads, what’s fine, and what to fix first — in plain language, delivered to your inbox.
Roast FAQ
Fair questions about free things.
Is it actually free?
Yes. No card, no call required, no strings. It’s the most useful way we know to show how we think — some people hire us afterwards, plenty just fix things themselves. Both outcomes are fine.
Is it instant?
No — and that’s the point. Automated scanners spit out generic scores in seconds. A CactusScore™ roast is a real person reviewing your actual site, so it typically lands in your inbox within a couple of business days.
Will it be mean?
It’s a roast, not a takedown. Direct, specific, and occasionally funny — but every observation comes with the fix. The goal is that you finish reading knowing exactly what to do next.
What if my site is fine?
Then we’ll say so — and tell you what would take it from fine to launch-ready. A clean roast is a great outcome; false alarm bells help nobody.